No. Seriously.

So, the world is ending – again – and, given our pathetic 3-dimensional senses, we have to wait until the event date shows up. I write this on the eve of alleged doomsday.

I haven’t figured out when, where, or why this new apocalypse day sprung up. I also don’t u– right. I at least understand why it’s a big story: the media, my darling fourth estate, needs ratings. And Americans are bored, and jonesing for news. (Amirite)

My point is that over the next few days – barring a First Contact, or something equally interesting – the media will be trying to make a story out of the ‘disappointed believers’ of Apocalypse-come-and-gone. This would be a tragedy: there are more important topics concerning the phenomenon to be discussed.

For instance, doomsday theories aren’t new. if we were to look beyond the recurrence of Eschatology, we might begin to ponder what purposes it serves. Well, I did, and here’s what I found.

Eschatology – belief about the end of the world – serves an important psychological purpose. The end of the world/universe is a massive, external event that makes every known “thing” (object, person, event) obsolete. If you look at this as a tool for resolving mental conflict, you can see how easily and effectively it might work: Why bother about (insert emotional trauma here) when all of this is going to be obliterated soon enough anyway?

Then, you throw in a spot of (insert random “signs” and proof of prophecy here), and you’ve got yourself a cocktail, I’ll tell you what.

The end of the world is like suicide with a “I’ll take all you sons of bitches when I go” flavor to it. The need for believers to stand out with placards indicates a desire to gloat “when it’s over.” (See, Marty? I told you it was judgment day. But noOoOooO…).

As always, my point is this: If you understand the ends, the means look less absurd. By understanding the ends, you have the opportunity to change the means. If you feel you have no control over most of your life, you’re more likely to (want to) believe the end of the world is soon. If you’re convinced the end of the world is tomorrow, then maybe you think you’re not in control of your life.

Either way, write me on Sunday if you want to talk.